Breaking Taboos

I identify as a girl, and I don’t like pink!

Un-stereotyping the social gender norms.

There is immense celebration when the hospital labour ward nurse announces, “it’s a girl”.  It is a matter of great joy, the birth of a child. Sweets are distributed and the little baby girl is wrapped in a pink baby wrap.  The hospital staff is overjoyed too, they bring a pink balloon for the girl.  The baby returns home from the hospital and is welcomed into a beautiful pink nursery which has flowers, stars, sequins.

At the same time at another labour ward there is one more happy announcement. It’s a boy! Here too there is immense celebration! The little boy is wrapped in blue. A blue balloon comes in this time. The baby returns home from the hospital and is welcomed into a blue nursery which is decorated artfully with pictures of cars, superhero action figures.

The child learns that he or she is supposed to play with certain toys, wear certain colours and behave in a certain way assigned to their gender.

This is inculcated socially and culturally, and this kind of gender conformity is expected from the very birth of a child.

” Don’t you wish you had a daughter?” Asks a friend, when I appreciate her daughter as she is dressed to the hilt- in a floral gown, with a tiara on her head, ornaments adorning her hands, neck, and ears. “Why, I ask, do you feel I should wish I had a daughter. Because, she says, you can dress your daughters up beautifully while you cannot do the same with sons.” Myself being a mother of two boys, I have heard this far too many times. “What if my daughter does not like to wear ornaments?  She does not like to dress up the way I feel she should. Not necessary that she must conform to the norms imposed by the society. Does she?” I ask.

 Initially, I thought people wishing for daughters these days is a big progressive shift; finally, we are breaking the taboos of daughters being a burden etc. But that is not so. The “reason” for wanting a daughter is even more problematic than not wanting a daughter!

The so-called empowering messages on social media on women’s day about women identified as daughter, mother, sister who is caring, sharing, multi-tasking, a sacrificial epitome is mainly dressed in what colour? Pink of course. Shades of pink, with flowers… While women are shattering barriers and claiming their equal space in the society the posters carrying these ‘hailing women’ messages reek of the gender divide vide colour and assigned gender roles. 

I identify as a girl, and I do not like pink. Metaphorically speaking the colour pink in this essay stands for the socio-cultural “gender norms” that define men and women.

The European Institute for Gender Equality defines: “Gender norms are ideas about how women and men should be and act. Internalised early in life, gender norms can establish a life cycle of gender socialisation and stereotyping.”

It is a systemic suppression of choice, autonomy and agency of an individual, that exists even today in the 21^st century.

Let us look at few more examples (not exhaustive) of patriarchal gender norms classified as below. Gender norms may also slightly vary based on different geographic location and cultures.

Boys are told not to cry and show weakness	Girls cry and are taught to be soft, gentle, affectionate, caring and loving
men are better drivers	women are better home makers
Boys don’t spend time on dressing	Females are more in to looks and dressing up/ taking time to dress is a female tendency
Men are the providers	Women the caregivers.

We do not realise that these gender norms are detrimental to women as well as to men. For eg: there is a lot of pressure on men when they are expected to be the only providers, they cannot even naturally display their emotions and remain bottled up. Of course, more on women as the society is patriarchal, which means the rules are generally made with the male in mind. 

Although there is a culture shift overall & gender fluidity is slowly being understood, we still have not moved much from the deep patriarchal binarized approach to gender. Binarization, as defined, is a conversion of a color or grayscale image into a two- colour black and white image. Society always has been thinking in binaries. And this unwitting thinking in binaries has led to years of discrimination, deprivation and denunciation of people who are gender diverse.

By imposing these norms and demarcating set attributes on individuals based on their gender we are insensitive to understanding the underlying diversities in the natural world. 

Harry styles, the British singer and actor created a big furore when he posed for a picture wearing lace trimmed Gucci dress for the Vogue magazine’s cover. He was heavily trolled for this. Slogans like “bring back the manly man” were shouted as Harry was highly criticized for his choice of so called “female clothing” he wore for the shoot. 

“Anytime you are putting barriers up in your life, you’re limiting yourself.”- Harry Styles. Which is true. Why do we want to put barriers on ourselves? 

As quoted on the website https://www.bowiecreators.com/ “This kind of binarized thinking leads to the conclusion that there are only two genders, man and woman.  “True love is when a man and a woman fall in love. Gender norms do not only enforce gender roles at the detriment of women, but they also enforce heteronormativity. That is, heterosexuality as the norm and the only acceptable option. When you are a girl, you are taught from a young age to look for your Prince Charming, while boys are told to search for their princess.”

At Bowie https://www.bowiecreators.com/, the website that is passionate about generating voice, awareness, and support on gender and LGBTIQ+, has listed down 3 main reasons from where these gender norms come from:

Lack of education – lack of education and awareness on gender related topics and the diversities that exist in the world. 

Gatekeeping – As extracted from the website – “People tend to reproduce social norms they grew up with.” Basically, people keep handing down the social norms and beliefs that has been passed on to them without rationalising. 

Mainstream representations: Cinema is responsible for ‘over the top’ & stereotypical portrayal of gender norms. For eg: “Shabhash Mithu”, one of the recent Hindi movies on the Indian cricket female captain Mithali Raj, had a scene where a friend of Mithila Raj who showed interest in playing cricket and other categorised as “male oriented games” is enrolled forcefully in a ‘dance class’, a feminine activity supposedly identified by society. Thus, stifling the interest, talent, dreams and aspirations of women who want to take up sports! The LGBTIQ+ too is represented most of the times in an insensitive & jarring way in cinemas

Real empowerment is about choice. Let our children choose what they wish instead of imposing it on them. Let there be inclusivity in all aspects of life. 

I repeat what I say in the beginning – “I identify as a girl and I don’t like pink!”